just how much

Hey you - yes YOU - do you know how very much you're loved?

Or do you listen to the world? (Like I sometimes do.) (Okay - honestly? Like I often do.)

Oh I've gotten good at reading the Word and stopping (mostly) the voice-from-within that tells me (in my own voice, no less!) that I'm not smart enough, or thin enough, or good enough at this housekeeping or mothering thing. But some voices are right loud. Harder to stop hearing.

Some things you just can't help but hear.


My car died on me today. Just flat out stopped working.

And me, running late again, racing to get son-number-one to that rehearsal for the select group of musicians he'd auditioned for with such hope and was asked to join. His horn all packed up and a dinner packed too because he'll be gone nine hours this time.

But that car, it just died. I turn the key and get a bit of a sputter and a start which only just sputtered more and quit right then and there.

And I'm not surprised. Because that's how this year is unfolding for me.

I haven't named this year yet. I didn't name last year, either. Didn't want to put parameters or boundaries on where I might be led. But I'm thinking that I just may name this one "the Job year".

Oh, but grace it hovers close by. In fact it lives right here in this same house with me and I do make the trip to bring that boy who's nervous and excited and all brimming with the hope-of-the-future that the young, and young at heart, have. Grace gave me a mother, and that mother lives right close in the apartment attached to this house, and that mother she has a car and keys and love large. And I borrow wheels and make the appointment with even a few minutes to spare.

But it sits heavy on this heart - that I didn't have the ears to hear and the eyes to see that He'd already solved the problem, and I really did panic a bit and I didn't accept what He'd sent, but listened instead to the lie that said that I couldn't trust.

I didn't see that broken down car as gift. Who would?

But it was, really.

It was, after all, another lesson in trust and faith that He will provide.

And so this grace that I'm learning to see? It is here. Sometimes it looks like a broken car, or broken dishwasher, or broken dryer, or broken life.

That He'll use to show just how much He loves me.

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